Henry and Lilly...on relationships.

Boys and Girls,

Today, I (J. Henry) would like to teach you all about relationships. As you know, people in the world tend to over-analyze and over-complicate things when it comes to the subject of, what one might call, relations. So, for your benefit, I (with the help of my lovely girlfriend, Lilly) have compiled an extensive how-to guide for engaging in and enjoying your very own personal loving companionship.

This, I learned from my dad. One day, you're going to be hangin' out - doin' your own thing (I, personally, like to eat my hands in my spare time) - without a care in the world. You'll be rockin' along in bachelor heaven...and she'll be right under your nose. You probably won't even notice her at first...

...then, suddenly, she will become the only thing you notice. Her beauty will amaze you, and you will want to write poetry for and about her. Yes, poetry. Her eyes will be the light of your day, her sweet face is all you'll see when you close yours, and this is when you know that you are 'in love.'

Of course, you must not show all your cards at once. Just look away, pretend to be busy doing other stuff. However, just between you and me, while you're doing your own thing, you will be daydreaming about her...

...and how you have so much in common and how you like to do all the same things...like, put your feet in the air and kick 'em real fast...

One day, the boy will have to show the girl how much he cares...but he must be careful to keep up his coolness level. So, GO SLOW...don't just go straight for the kisser. As you can see here, my darling Lilly doesn't even realize what I'm up to...

...but, she figures it out (they all do)...and if you're as blessed as I am, she'll actually like it. The way you know whether you've succeeded is that she'll actually hold your hand back.

Once you've established your relationship, you don't have to be so PDAish about it anymore. In fact, you can just start chillin' out again...except now you have a sweetheart to chill out with. Just think, at one time, you were going in different directions....now, you can enjoy looking together in the same direction. Nice.

Now, there will be things you don't love to do with her. But, you must do them anyway (and preferably with a smile on your face) so that she will continue to hold your hand when you want her to. One of these 'things' for me is cutesy couple pictures. She loves 'em...I don't...but I do them because I love HER. I got in trouble for this one...

..but I learned my lesson and did better the second time around. We held hands for a LONG time after this.

Dear readers, I wish you the best in your relationship endeavors. Trust me, the tips I've given you today are essential to your romantic happiness. With a little time and a lot of practice, you, too, can enjoy a satisfying and fulfilling relationship like Lilly and me!


Now, run along and find your girl!! Seriously, stop watching us...a little privacy, eh?