Love and Respect: the Conference

A couple of weekends ago, Jared and I had a date weekend to hit up the Love and Respect marriage conference. My mom and sister, in true momandsister awesomeness, kept the kiddies so we could make it an overnighter. Talk about a win-win.

So, Love and Respect. Surely you've heard of the book...it's kind of everywhere these days. The question is: have you read the book? If not, you really, really should. I should preface that by saying, it's not a book that everyone likes. In fact, I would assert that the more socially liberal you are, the more you buy into the idea that men and women are the same but for a few anatomical inconsistencies, the more you are certain that arguments you have in your relationship are not ever your fault, the more you are likely to, in fact, HATE this book and the things written inside of it. You've been warned.

Upon returning home, a close girlfriend asked me about the conference. I tried to give a brief synopsis of the 8 hours of lecture, but at the end, I felt like I had both a) explained it badly and b) left out so many important details. So, as I thought about blogging about the conference, I wanted to be sure to NOT do either of those things again. The first part of being successful in that venture is to just admit up front that I cannot duplicate content. If you want to know what L&R is about....read the book. I can only duplicate experience...and even that, I may do badly. The second part is to turn my recollection into a Top 10 List. As you know, everything on my blog runs smoother and makes more sense when divided into 10 points.

Jared & Elizabeth's Top 10 Reasons to go to a Marriage Conference - preferably L&R, but any ol' one will do just fine.

- 10 - All marriages/relationships need upkeep. We walked into our conference feeling a little bit out of place. You see, we like to think ours is a pretty decent marriage - we don't fight too often, we fight fair when we do, we like each other, we do things together, we compromise, we communicate, we agree on important issues...you get the idea. As we sat down on Friday, we were convinced that every couple around us needed this more than we did. As we stood up on Saturday, we were convinced that nobody needed it as much as we did. Hmmm...upkeep. It's a good thing.

- 9 - Lots of weirdos go to marriage conferences. If you want a little affirmation that you're not failing in the socially normal department, go plant yourself smack-dab in the middle of a veritable smorgasbord of public-self-help-seekers.

- 8 -  Unplugging for a few days is nice. No cell phones, no computers, no video games, no comments from facebook friends on your (my) pithy observations to feed your ego...nice. It's good for you. You. Can. Do. It.

- 7 - You learn a secret language that only you and your hubs can speak. Yep, buzzwords from the conference burn into your mind, and in the weeks/months that follow, topics that used to be marital bliss minefields are now opportunities to drop your new lingo on each other - not to mention laugh about how silly you used to be when this or that minefield would actually elicit an opportunity for growth and development (read: a huge-ass fight!).

- 6 - F.T.K. - let me explain. As we were walking out of the house, my mom commented on Jared's polo shirt, because it had his new company logo on it - "FTK." She says, what's FTK? F--- the Kids?!? Oh, I see...and you just wanted me to believe this was a MARRIAGE conference!" No, mom, it's not 'eff the kids'...but we sure wouldn't mind 48 hours together without them. And, so it goes with marriage conferences. FTK, indeed.

- 5 - Even if your church attendance sucks, your bible study commitment sucks, and you say curse words sometimes...ahem...I'm pretty sure God blesses marriage-conference attendees. I know I read that in the New Testament somewhere.

- 4 - It's kinda cool (for observant, uber-analytical nerds like me anyway) to see that marriage can look lots of different ways...not just how it looks in my frame of reference. Marriage can be young, old, or a young and an old. Introvert, extrovert, or one of each. It can be pretty, ugly, or a pretty and an ugly. It can be sick, healthy, or a sick and a healthy. It can be trendy, dorky, or a little smattering of both. You get the idea. Marriage conferences are mind-opening. There is more than one way to skin this cat, and it's fascinating to see how other people - despite their differences - are getting it done.

- 3 - Gifted speakers are rare. Make it a priority in your budget and your life to seek out a gifted speaker...these types of folks are SOUL STIRRING, and who couldn't use a little shake-up in their make-up? Emerson Eggerichs is one of these types...in case you were looking for a starting point.

- 2 - I am a hyper-romantic, and Jared is too. I believe in prince charming and that my husband is him. I believe in 'the one,' and that he is my 'one.' I believe that marriage is getting to live out a fairytale for the rest of your life. Laugh all you want, but seriously, I do. I also believe that sometimes, when diapers are piled to my ceiling, toys are everywhere underfoot, it's 5:14 and dinner isn't going to make itself, and darling prince charming calls to say that his business trip just got extended to the end of the week (it's Monday, btw), my rainbows-and-butterflies view of marriage takes a shot to its pretty little face. Bridging the gap between expectations and reality can be tough - a marriage conference can help with that.

- 1 - "The opposite of love is not hate - it's apathy." (Leo Buscaglia)

Okay, I admit, I had to google that guy's name...I've heard the quote but didn't know who said it. So, here's the deal. We all get going along - whether we're married or not - and we neglect the relationships in our lives. We take them for granted and stop working at them. Sometimes, it's our genuine contentment that makes us feel like it's safe to go lukewarm for awhile. I mean, if we're just so happy all the time, what's there to work on/at, right?

Don't believe that, guys.

In marriage...in friendships...in family relationships...there is always more you can be doing. Equally important, the DESIRE to do more should remain in tact. For us, signing up for a marriage conference was a proactive step out of our status quo - out of our happy, comfortable, loving, fun, wonderful status quo. We were never apathetic towards each other...but we also weren't placing focus on bettering the good thing we had (have!) going. With a few clicks of the computer screen and a babysitter, we told each other that our desire to do more was right there.

So, marriage conferences. They may not be the answer for everyone, of course, but we certainly enjoyed ours...and watching our marriage change almost immediately for the better has been pretty fun as well.

Yep, a win-win, for sure.