Dear Mothers of Girls,
Please stop standing by and allowing your daughters to behave like little bully b*tches to every child that isn't their 'best friend' - whatever the eff that means to a 3-year old, anyway. You are teaching them NOTHING by a) pretending not to notice, b) laughing off, or c) ignoring their selfish, conniving, snooty behavior. You are, in fact, promoting their inborn egocentric world view and creating little diva monsters incapable of serving any purpose in the real world but to 'look cute' and make everyone else miserable.
Of course, I do not expect you to force your kid to play with mine. Of course, I do not expect you to intervene on every single altercation that arises on the proverbial playground. I just expect the same thing of you that you would expect of me if my big, brawny, imposing, in-your-face boy was screaming at your daughter five inches from her face to "GO AWAY!!! YOU ARE NOT MY FRIEND...I AM NOT TALKING TO YOUUUUUUU BECAUSE YOU ARE UGLY!!!!!!"
See, that sucks doesn't it? You'd want it addressed, wouldn't you?
I'm sure I don't need to tell you that girls do it differently. They're more sneaky about it. They turn on their heel and say things under their breath. They convince their mommies that it was the yucky boy being mean to them first. Stop believing them, moms. Start paying closer attention. This is bullying. It looks different, but that doesn't make it any less WRONG or HURTFUL or IN NEED OF CORRECTION.
Stepping down now. Thanks for reading.
EHC
P.S. I realize that much of this letter is full of generalization and stereotype. Of course, I recognize that there are exceptions to those...I'm just coming hot off the playground and wanted to tap the beginnings of my thoughts on this out as soon as I got home. Also, no need to remind me that "I'll understand once I have a daughter of my own"....I have empathy, common sense, and intelligence enough to see the other side just fine.
5 comments:
I can't wait to have you re-read this in 3 years...man it's going to be funny.
Yes I agree with much of what you wrote...however the caddie crap starts young my friend...young. So does the backtalk...and it's worse with girls!
we've been in a love triangle already...which lead to "she's not my best friend anymore"...my repsonse...you're 4, you'll be over it tomorrow.
I get so pissed when reese acts like that...it's in their blood. You just have to squash it before it gets nasty. They are great until they go to school with some b girl who has an older snotty sister..then your sweet girl picks up the bullcrap...or it's because their mother is a bitch and she sees her mother act like that. i had a run in with a bitch mother at the playground. She walks up with her kid and Reese says "you go to my school" My responds with "no she doesn't"...Reese says "yes she does" and bitch says "no she doesn't" again in a very condescending way...so finally I just said "Yeah you guys go to blah blah school right?? so do we...and like that she shuts the eff up...mind you was it really required to be a bitch to my 3 year old...if you don't think my kid is good enough to go to your kids school just say "ok" and walk the eff on...I hate that woman by the way.
I just hate how mean they can be. I'm fine with kids not wanting to be friends with each other, but yesterday, these little girls were 1) refusing to look at/speak to/acknowledge my child in any way as he was telling them "hi! i'm henry!" 2) telling each other how great it was going to be when they got to go to a parade yesterday afternoon without 'that kid' being invited and 3) trying to hold the door to the chickfila playground closed so he couldn't come in as their mothers watched on and decided LOUDLY that 'oh, look at that boy, he's holding them in the playground.' Seriously? This, after I watched one of them at lunch tell her mom while glaring at James (you know, my 1-YEAR OLD), "Mommy, do babies pray before they eat?" Mom: "They should...we try to teach them to." Girl: "oh, well, THAT baby didn't..."**insert the most obnoxious eye-roll you've ever seen out of a LITTLE girl** Mom: *busy texting* well, hopefully, someone will teach him...*in a warning, condescending tone*. Let me tell you, fellow Christian mother at table opposite, you are MISSING the boat. Teach her that it's important to pray when others are looking and to judge those who don't....but forget to teach her kindness, humility, compassion, etc. It was all just so obnoxious and rude and the moms just ate it right up. Do I even need to tell you that these were "dance moms" who spent the majority of their time there discussing so and so's excellent but totally unoriginal choreography. I know that girls have predispositions, and I'm sure mine will give me more than my fair share of whatever that looks like........but, REST ASSURED, it will be as promptly addressed as it has been with my boys. Hmmmf.
Girls are so much work and yes it starts young. Ashlyn has a friend who would totally ingore Ashlyn when Ashlyn was trying to be friendly. It totally pissed me off. I was not happy but the mom can be the same way too and what is crazy is we are supposedly friends with these people. I couldn't figure out the whole ignore Ashlyn. Ashlyn is the most loving 7 year old I know plus I have taught her that she needs to be kind to everyone. I think she has compassion for people because of Grant but that is just my opinion. She is big on hugs and just saying hi. Granite she is shy sometimes but really loves playing and talking to everyone! She is not into clicks. A lot of it has to do with I have always been a true and loyal friend and my husband finds it a good quality and Ashlyn is the same way. Well, E-your kids are going to be awesome because you are raising them right! I am so excited for your girl. We definitely need to get together soon. Are you feeling better??
Kids picking on other kids just angers me and breaks my heart at the same time. Momma Bear will come out when a kiddo picks on W, and I will not tolerate it if W picks on someone else!
I'm way late to this discussion, but let me tell you, my friend, this mean girl stuff starts EARLY. Like around 3 years old. I can't tell you how many times my daughter has come home and told me that someone said she wasn't her friend anymore and refuses to play with her. It's heartbreaking. A year ago I had to just have a heart to heart and tell her not everyone in life is your friend. She looked at me and said "but my teacher says we are all friends at school". I had to break it to her that we do have to treat everyone with respect, but some people are simply just not your friend and will always be mean. Then I got to break to the news to her that it gets worse, and that mommy still has to deal with mean girls. Why are girls so mean?
BTW - If either of my children acted how you described at a playground, we would pack up, go home, and they would be in some serious trouble. I can't imagine not correcting that kind of behavior.
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