After months of posts about happiness, butterflies, rainbows, and perfection, a part of me thinks we're sounding a little too Cleaver-ish over here in the Chesserhouse. Although we are very happy and our home is full of good and wonderful things, we're also a mess 9 days out of 10...and we're proud of that too. So, today, in an effort to be real with you 3 readers that check in regularly, I am going to share a little bit of the sour in my world of sweet.
I think it's almost time to quit nursing, and I am sad about it. There. I said it.
I don't want to over-dramatize this...or in any way come across as though I'm asking anyone's permission to quit. I understand that this is a natural and good thing. I'm just a little sad at how fast the time has gone by. I mean, it feels like yesterday that my mom and I were forceably coercing the little booger into even taking the right side (this was an epic battle waged during H's first two weeks of life)...and now, it's about time to let it be okay for him to not take either.
It all started in around the 7th month. He just started to lose interest...especially in the mid-day nursing. At that point, I was Elsie-ing, like, 5 times a day...but the middle 3 were pretty sucky (no pun intended). Now, we're down to 3 times a day, because if I even try to give it to him in the afternoon, he just bites the heck out of me and squirms to get down and keep playing. Sometimes he sneaks in a 4th time with an early-morning wake-up, but not with any consistency.
It's funny to me that, when he was first born and until he was about five months old, I shamelessly longed for the day that he would quit nursing. To me, it meant freedom. It meant that Jared and I could go on an overnight trip...maybe take a long weekend away. It meant not feeling tethered to my house (or a quiet, private place in public) every 2-3 hours. It meant sleeping braless. It meant my triumphant return into pretty underthings. It meant Jared could take a middle-of-the-night feeding if necessary. Now, as I am staring this time in the face, it is meaning only one thing to me -- my little bitty baby is turning into a big boy.
Oh, and don't get me wrong, there is almost no thing in this world as wonderful as sleeping unsupported...but, for me, nursing my baby has truly been one of those things. :)
So, I'm going to try to keep him going for a little while longer - maybe just offering the buffet in the morning and at the end of the day. But, the bummer fact of the matter is that when it comes to milk supply, 'if you don't use it you lose it'...and mine is dwindling quickly.
Jared says that this is the first of many times in our life that we'll have to deal with Henry 'growing up' faster than we want him to. I'm sure he's right about that. Seriously, don't even mention the word 'kindergarten' in my presence unless you want to see waterworks. I guess, at the end of the day, I am happy for the many months that we did make it. I'm happy that my guy knew he could count on me to show up every 2-3 hours with the loot. And, I'm happy and a little proud that Henry the Hoss is a hoss because mama came armed with the good stuff.
Now, I'm serious people, do not even think about saying kindergarten...
4 comments:
OMG, I teared up a bit just reading your post with your "feels like home to me" song playing in the background... they grow up too fast.
I know how you felt at 5 months about how nice it would feel to not have someone attached and now you long for that as they get older and become more independent! For some reason Brady doesn't want to give up nursing anytime soon even though I want to get it to 3 times a day instead of 4 times a day being 10 months old. I would love to freeze them at this age because they are so dang cute!
Ah that nursing mother guilt you get in your gut when you think about quitting before they are one...you'll be a bad mother, you said you would go till he was one..i've been there. it goes away very quickly when you put some water and formula in, shake it and hand him the bottle. Cut one feeding out a week, you'll wean with ease and when you're sleeping braless in a few weeks you won't feel that quilt anymore...HOWEVER...pump some milk and when you start him on formula (which comes with DHA added and is "as good as the breast" mix it half and half until he gets used to the flavor...also might wanna try that room temp since he's getting milk milk at 98.6 degrees right now.
The guilt goes away and you will feel better without teeth marks on your boobs in the middle of the day.
You are very fortunate that Jared has been so supportive of your time with Henry. It's something you'll be able to cherish forever. But, when it's time to give it up, it's time. Steve was just as supportive of my nursing our babies, and just as supportive when I was ready to quit. We have good husbands!
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